I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
