my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
