I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
