He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
