i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
