I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she smelled like a LAN party
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
