the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
