she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
