I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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