I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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