My nipple is on Facebook.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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