I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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