I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
