yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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