i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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