Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
