He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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