After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
