OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm just crazy horny about you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
