oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
