I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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