He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
