i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
