i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
