drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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