I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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