I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
