she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
