i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
