I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
