you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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