Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I will pee on everything he values.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
