wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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