This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
