Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
