I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The air taste purple.
Randomize
