Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
