is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
