"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
