i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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