Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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