so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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