Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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