Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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