"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
