he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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