Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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