So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
