Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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