It's Friday. Sex?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
