It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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