conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
