i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
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