I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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