I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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