My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
