I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
